Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
