I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
