I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
