bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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