Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
