I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
