When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
