my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
