dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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