So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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