Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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