his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
