Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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