the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Blood and glitter go together right?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
PANTIES FOUND
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
