I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
