I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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