oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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