the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
