Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
