I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
