No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
