Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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