I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
