what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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