Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
