rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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