I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
