How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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