If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
