You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
