I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
