the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
