Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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