mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
