First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
