I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
