My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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