So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
