I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
