I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
