Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
