i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
