Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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