peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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