This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
