i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
