if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
