Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
