finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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