Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
