i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
