my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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