Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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