He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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