no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
