i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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