I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
