I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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